10 Years Later
by waldork
Summary: This was a school assignment, basically Holden 10 years later. I thought it came out pretty good and I want to know what you think. I hope you like it! p.s. I know it is not my usual but just give it a try Holden is not doing so great when he runs into a old friend and their lives intertwine.


**Summary: This was a school assignment, basically Holden 10 years later. I thought it came out pretty good and I want to know what you think, but fair warning I wrote it pretty fast. I hope you like it! p.s. I know it is not my usual but just give it a try **

The Search For _It_

This is a story of healing, mending, and being sewn back together; this is my story. It was about a year ago when this plot began. I was 26 then and, if you want to know the truth, I was in bad shape. I didn't have a job, unlike I do now, but you know actually I was used to it by then. When you don't go to college, or really finish high school even it's hard to find a good job. I never liked my jobs, sometimes I thought if maybe I went to school like all the phonies I would have a job I liked, but school was never for me. I usually quit my jobs after a month or so or was fired for smoking too much, being lazy, even once for eating. It didn't really matter; I was gone by the next month. Gone to a new city, a new place with new people, where no one knew me, where no one cared.

It was a consistent cycle I went through over and over again. I worked many different dirty jobs for dough and just for somewhere to go before the nighttime. At night I was always out, on the dark streets that glowed orange from streetlights and where everyone was a stranger, even familiar places and people are strangers in the shadowy mysterious dark of a city late at night.

When I guess it all started was when I was in Boston visiting my sister who was attending school there. I was coming from DC where I was visiting a friend I had meet at my old high school, Pencey prep. His name was Ackley, a real phony if you want to know the truth of it. I didn't like him much; even back when I was sixteen. He hadn't changed. People never change that much really once they're grown, you know? Like a kid changes but once you're grown nobody really changes except they might have a beard. Like Ackley, he is still a slob and phony but he grew a godam dirty beard now; it's all scraggily and uncombed. I hate beards.

Anyways I was there because I didn't know where to go, but I didn't like Boston much, not like I like New York but I don't go to New York City anymore. I was visiting old Phoebe, my kid sister. I remember the bus smelled sour sweet and bitter all at once in my mouth. You know I can smell things and taste at the same time? It's a weird thing I can do.

I got off too early and had to walk about million blocks to her red brick dorm in the gasping, biting, icy wind. When I got there I phoned her from the pay phone outside, over and over again because it was pretty late and she was sleeping. I almost ran out of dough just using the godam phone.

Finally, she picked up, "who is this and why are you calling? It's godam two in the morning for christsakes!" She sounded young on the phone even though she was mad.

"You shouldn't say things like godam, you know?" I said to her, and then no one spoke for a moment but it was one of those stretched out moments that last an eternity.

"Holden?" she asked. She sounded even younger than before, she sounded like she was ten again and was asking me to take her to the park to play on the swings. Boy, old Phoebe loved those swings. I wondered if she still did, probably not, kids always change, even the good ones like Phoebe.

"Yeah, it's me," I said after waiting for another eternity moment.

"Don't tell me what to do, besides you swear all the time. So don't be telling me what to do, okay?" she said. She sounded like she was raising her chin and crossing her arms. You can always tell when someone like Phoebe is raising their chin and crossing her arms.

"Can I come up? Say, can I come in, Phoebe?" I asked all nice and friendly and all.

There was another eternity pause I heard her sigh, "Yeah, fine come on up, but be quiet, everyone is asleep."

She buzzed me up and I remember that those dirty sticky stairs leading to her floor seemed much more difficult to climb than others in the past. After all the time in the world I stood panting outside 12b, Phoebe's dorm room.

I knocked softly, oddly hoping she had fallen back asleep so I could slip away. I had that sudden urge to run and not face her but she opened the door and my legs carried me in without any input from me.

"Holden," she said softly reaching out and giving my hand a squeeze. Her hand felt much warmer than mine and more comforting than I could have imagined. You may not notice it but some people have nice hands, nice comforting and accepting hands. Phoebe had those kind of hands.

She looked so much older than the last time I saw her. Her cheeks were the same shade of pink and her eyes had the same twinkle but she had longer hair and an older face, with a knowing smile. She looked very like my mother when I was much younger, when Allie was alive and all. I missed the Phoebe with short hair and the cute innocent smile.

"Hi," I said, unsure of what else I should say. It had been a good year since I had seen her and the last time. We had a big screaming battle at my parents' house, filled with banging doors, stomping of feet and the yells of my father to 'quit it! He was trying to read'.

"Well don't just stand there come in, come in," Phoebe said all welcoming all of sudden. "You want something to drink? Maybe a small snack?"

I just nodded while I studied her living space. Not the worst but not the best I decided. It would do, though old Phoebe deserved a silver palace if you want to know the truth, honest she does.

"Hey babe, what's going on?" I turned quickly and faced the very tall man who was leaning up against the doorframe to what I could only assume to be the bedroom. All the man was wearing was a pair of soft plaid cotton sleeping pants. He had a broad chest and he looked much stronger than me. He looked to be a phony sporty bastard.

"Oh hello," he greeted me all suave like and then turned to Phoebe, "were we expecting company?"

"Um James this is my brother Holden, Holden this is my um roommate James..." Phoebe said as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another like a nervous four year old who is expecting a scowling from father.

"Hi," I said. Boy I was a talker tonight, quite the conversationalist really. I would have said more but I seemed to be having a great deal of trouble swallowing. My throat felt powder dry and my stomach was in so many knots that were tied so tight it was impossible to undo them.

"Well Holden we all should get some sleep. The couch is right here and I got some blankets and here is a pillow for you. If you need anything ask, okay?" Phoebe said all in a rush now. She practically pushed James back into the room he came from, which was quite a feat because he must have been very heavy and all from all those muscles.

"Um goodnight, it was nice to-" James tried to say by Phoebe cut him off by shutting the door behind them. I noticed that both of them were in that small bedroom together now. Even though it was nice to be left alone, I really wished she would come out of there. I stare at the white peeling door so hard I thought it might catch fire. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep with Phoebe and that James in there together. I hated James; I really did; I hated him then.

The next thing I remember I was opening my eyes to the bright cheerful rays of the morning sun. I sat up and turned my head to see that tall James cooking eggs and again he was shirtless. "Good morning, Holden!" he said brightly. He was one of those people you felt the need to say your godam name when greeting you.

I didn't say anything. I never say anything anymore because usually there is no one to talk to and, when there is, they are usually not worth even talking to. Phoebe came out of the bedroom with a sleepy smile but when she saw me her face changed to an expression of nervousness. She didn't say anything either just poured two cups of coffee and gave me one without looking me in eye.

I looked down at the cup of dark liquid. I felt parched but I made no move to drink it. I think if I had drunk anything I would have thrown up all over their fake tile floor. My stomach was back in tight knots, I couldn't seem to get enough air and I suddenly had a pounding headache. I looked up just in time to see James slide his grand hand slowly down Phoebe's side. It was almost an innocent gesture except from the look he gave her like she was a godam angel and then the bastard kissed her on her temple. Who kisses someone on the forehead? For chirstsakes!

"I have to go," I said quickly, putting down the warm mug, grabbing my backpack and throwing it on my back. I flew to the door faster than I thought was possible.

I heard Phoebe shout my name as I ran out the door and back to the sticky stairs and the dusty dull street that looked ridiculous in the cheerful light. Why was the light so godam cheerful? What was there to be cheerful about?

I walked for a long time weaving my way through a sea of unidentified cars and faceless people. It was hours before I stopped. Hunger was punching my stomach over and over again and wouldn't give up anytime soon. I felt I would throw up anything that had the nerve to go down my throat but I stopped at a diner anyways.

The place was far too cheerful with the bright light streaming through the windows with red and white-checkered curtains and black and white checkered tile floor. The place was buzzing. It had a blend of many conversations, different laughs and the occasional shouts that came together to create a different language, a buzzing language that had nothing really to say but it talked anyways.

What I saw at that diner changed my life, changed my future and myself. A little boy was sitting on a chair, far too big for him, playing with a small red metal car and humming to himself. It was a tuneless hum but it seemed to make him calmer. Next to him was someone I thought I would never see ever again. A pretty woman was sitting next to him, her hair looked unbrushed, her eyes were tired, and her clothes were rumpled, but she still looked beautiful as she sipped her weak tea. Jane.

I froze and just stared at her. She leaned over and tried to get the little boy with the red sports car to eat some of the cold looking oatmeal. She kept silently coaxing and finally the boy opened his mouth and ate a bit of oatmeal. She smiled her, now, tired smile but I could see the light behind it, the strength behind that smile, she was stronger than she looked. Her smile made me smile.

She looked up quickly as if sensing someone's eyes on her. Her eyes met mine and I could see the pain and the power of her past. A happy smile flooded her face and she stood. I noticed how thin she looked and with less grace. I guess she stopped ballet.

"Holden Caulfield," she wasn't asking, she knew, but saying my name her smile seemed to strengthen. "It's been a very long time." Again she wasn't asking, simply stating. Her voice was still that odd mixture of soft power.

"Hi," I breathed. I shook myself and tried again, "it has been a long time. How are you Jane?" I asked though I knew how she was. She was in pain but she had hope. She was Jane. Jane always had hope.

"I'm getting by, what about you Holden? You look good, older." she said nodding.

"Me too, I'm getting by," I said. I had a sudden urge to cry, bawl, and scream.

"That's good I guess. Come here I want you to meet someone," she said sweet as all hell, I'm not kidding. She ushered me over to the little boy who was still humming softly. She waved to the kid and tapped him lightly on the arm he looked up and stared at her with big green hazel eyes. She said nothing to him but moved her hands in a deliberant and odd gesture.

I frowned and looked at her confused, "he has been deaf since he was three, which was about 2 years ago. His name is Tommy and he is my son," I jumped at that word, son. "Jane has a son, Jane has a son, Jane has a son," I repeated over and over and my head which was pounding again. My stomach knots were back and I needed to run.

"Hi Tommy," I whispered. I waved to the little boy who was looking at me curiously and I noticed that my hand was shaking so I stopped waving.

The boy moved his hands so quickly I couldn't distinguish the individual movements, but Jane knew what it meant. "He says it's nice to meet you and he was wondering if you want some oatmeal because he says he is not hungry." She smiled at him and pushed back his mop of hair from his forehead. It was such a tender move; it made me want to cry even more.

"Um you um tell him that's nice but I – I am not hungry either," my voice sounded strained and broken but I couldn't help it.

Jane nodded and moved her hands again, but before she was done a big man came strutting in to the diner. He had rutty red cheeks, a pump nose, angry black eyes, and a rather prominent beer belly. He crossed his arms over his proud chest and stood with his feet apart as if preparing for a fight. "Who is this Jane?" He's voice was booming and his tone nasty.

"This is my old friend Holden, Holden this is my husband Rick," He frowned and walked closer. I tried not to grimace at the foul odor emanating from the big man. He smelled of stale sweat, moldy bread and strong alcohol.

"Huh," he said seemly disinterested, brushing me off like a crump on the table. I have met guys like Rick and I wasn't too happy to see another one, especially one who now had a big fat arm hung heavily on Jane's shoulders. He moved his arm down to her lower back and gave her ass a strong squeeze right in the godam restaurant; it made her jump and her face flashed for a minute to one of tired fear. But she recovered quickly and said nothing to her good-for-nothing husband.

"Well I better go I have an appointment, you guys have a good breakfast," I said quickly I needed to find a bathroom fast before I threw up all over the floor. I was shaking badly now and my palms were sweating.

"Here let me walk you out, Holden," Jane said all sweet and all.

I nodded and she tried to walk towards me but that good-for-nothing Rick held her tight, keeping her forcefully right next to him. He wrapped his other fat dull red arm tight around her waist, trapping her. Jane opened her mouth to say something but he ignored her and pressed his lips to her soft ones roughly. He kissed her hard for like a godam hour right in front of me. I could see Jane's hands on his chest trying to push him back but he was too strong. He kept her trapped.

When he finally released her it was so sudden that she stumbled backwards. I reached her just in time. She was in centimeters of the crashing to the floor but I caught her. I was her catcher.

"Thanks," she whispered to me. I helped her to her feet and knew I should back off but she smelled amazing, unlike that bastard. She smelled of the warm sun, flowers and hope.

I was so close to her I could easily see the delicate freckles sprinkled on her nose and chest. I could see slight gold flecks in her big eyes that were smiling at me. I broke eye contact and looked down. Jane's shirt had come up slightly and on her hip was a deep blue bruise; I looked away with sudden blinding anger. I looked back to her eyes and whispered, "Where you get that bruise?" She sighed and she put her hand on my arm and gently steered me toward the door, "an accident". I heard her mutter.

As we got to the door I heard a little kid yell, "Mommy!" I turned to see Tommy coming after us. He held tight to his mother's legs, she smiled and kissed his head and picked him up with one hand.

He moved his hands quickly and she makes a fist and moved it up and down. I stood awkwardly next to them.

"How did he lose his hearing?" I asked, giving Tommy a smile.

Jane's face darkened, little storm clouds gathered in her eyes and she pressed her lips into a tight line, "an accident." She glanced to her husband who was drinking something out of a dark plastic water bottle that clearly wasn't water.

I frowned glaring at Rick. "An accident sure, just like that bruise on Jane's hip was by accident," I thought angrily. "I have to go," I glanced back at Rick just to see him flirting with one of the teen waitresses and sort of lose my mind a bit. I swear sometimes I can be a madman.

I leaned over and kissed her right on the lips gently and reverently but pulled away quickly. I waved at Tommy and ran away. I didn't stop for quite a while.

It was late that night when I drunkenly made my way to down Phoebe's street and phoned her from the street below. I was almost out of dough by this point and more drunk then I have been in a while.

"Howdy," I called through the phone. "Phoebe let you up, hey!" I said trying not to slur.

"Is this Holden?" A man asked through the phone; he sounded breathless.

I nodded but then I realized that I should talk out loud, "I need my sister."

"Yeah sure just hang on. Are you okay? You sound drunk," he said sounding concerned. The stupid phony. Boy, I hated that guy.

"I just need my sister," I said slurring even more than before.

"Sure, sure. Here she is," then there was a muffled pause and giggling.

"Holden? What's going? Why did you run? I'm sorry I didn't tell you about James but I knew you wouldn't like it," Phoebe sounded breathless too. What were they doing up there, running a godam marathon?

"I need my sister," I repeated, it was like I couldn't say anything else.

"I'm right here Holden, what's wrong? You are drunk aren't ya?" she asked but didn't wait for my answer. "Come on up. Be careful okay? I'll buzz you up now," and she did.

The stairs seemed even longer and more tiring than before. I dragged my feet; every stair was piercing daggers. I was wounded climbing those stairs, I really was.

I hammered my cold fist on her door and it flew open. Phoebe was standing there in her nightclothes, her hair was a mess and her cheeks flushed. "Holden what's all this about? What's wrong?"

"You need to brush your hair," I said, and a wave of nausea hit me and I ran for the bathroom. I found it quickly enough and bent of the toilet.

As I kneed shakily beside the toilet coughing and chocking, I heard the mummer of muted voices. "Phoebe, what's all this about? This is the second time your brother as come in the middle of the night with no explanation and now he's puking in our bathroom. This needs to stop," that tall phony James said all soft and gentle. It made me puke again; those gentle phonies always make me puke.

The worst part was that Phoebe fell of it, "I know just let me talk to him, life has been rough on him. I think he just needs our support here okay? You just need to be patient with him," I almost vomited again at that word _we_, but what came next was worst I heard kissing sounds from the behind the door. That really did make me puke.

When I came out Phoebe got sorts of motherly on me, but I shook her off. I didn't feel too hot so I crashed on Phoebe's couch again, even though Phoebe and that tall James were hovering above me offering things like water, coffee and even a sandwich.

I woke with a start and groaned, my head was pounding, it was like my brain had finally had enough and was slamming itself against my scull trying to break out. My stomach wasn't feeling too hot either; like someone had it hung it, squeezing everything out of it.

"Oh sorry did I wake you?" I looked up squinting, James was standing over me, with a phony look of concern on his precious face, he was real aces that James was. Boy, I really hated that guy.

"No," I muttered. I stood too fast and the world spun and nausea struck again but I managed to hold in my inners.

"Whoa! Careful! Move slowly you must have a fucking horrible headache," he said all concerned and all. I frowned there was that word again. I hate that word but there seems no way to escape that godam word.

"Don't tell me what to do," I grumbled, rubbing my temples.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Phoebe said cheekily coming in from the bathroom freshly washed.

I just rolled my eyes, but I guess that was a bad move because Phoebe's cheekily attitude was gone in a snap.

She turned on me her eyes narrowed, arms crossed, "Look Holden," she began all serious and all. "We need to talk about all of this. First you come here in the middle of the night with no warning and then just bolt as soon you wake up. I know it is hard for you to adjust, but me having a boyfriend is not that big of change okay?" She waited for me to respond, when I didn't she just kept going, "and then you come back drunk out of your mind and crash on the couch again. Now look Holden," she kept saying that word _look_ but I saw nothing but her. "I love you, you know that right? I do love you and I want to help you but you need to grow up, change isn't all that bad. I used to be like you always hating the whole world and all the changes and challenges it brought, but I grew up and now its you turn. Look, do you see what I mean Holden? Do you?" she asked, she reached out and took my hand and covered it with both of hers, all motherly and all. It made me sick.

"No I don't see, stop asking me to look I don't see anything!" I said loudly shaking her hand off mine.

I turned to run but she grabbed my arm, "Holden! Please stop! Just talk to me!" and I did stop but I didn't turn around. "Holden, what's wrong? What's going on to make you run like that?" she was whispering now.

"How about I make us some tea, yes?" that tall James asked, I had forgotten he was there. When neither Phoebe nor I said anything he went to make some for us anyways.

Phoebe gently pulled me to the couch and we sat and there was silence. I guessed Phoebe was waiting for me to start talking but I didn't say anything and neither did she for a million years and then finally I asked, "say did you know old Jane Gallagher lives around here? Say did you know that Phoebe?"

"Yes actually I did. When I used to go to church, I went to the same church as she did," Phoebe said very slow like, taking her time with each word.

"She married you know? A real sonvabitch too, I swear," I said, nodding.

She too nodded but very slowly, almost lazy, "yeah a drunk huh? Poor Jane, she deserves better you know?" she looked at me when she said that.

"I know it, I know she does. Say did you know she has a kid? A little boy, he's one of those deafs but not a deaf mute. I heard him say mommy, I really did," I said all conversational and all.

"Yes he learned to talk before he lost his hearing but only simple words," she said still all slow like.

"That bastard did it you know? That bastard hurts her you know? I'm sure of it," I said, still insanely calm.

"Yes I know Holden. You wouldn't hurt her would you? I always thought you were sweet on her. I thought you two might get married you know? But I was young at the time I didn't understand that isn't how the world worked," she said even more slow as if that were possible.

"What? No, I am never getting married even to someone like her," I said shifting uncomfortably, thoroughly confused that the direction the conversation had turned to.

"Well you never know, you might get a second chance, she might leave him," she said, she smiling and looking at me.

"Oh be quiet," I said pushing her slightly.

She pushed back and I started to tickle her and she tickled me right back. We calmed down pretty quick though and then she asked quietly, "Do you love her?"

I thought for a moment, though I knew the answer, "yes always."

"Well keep looking you might find your chance," she said and then got up. "I'm going to find what is taking James so long with that tea."

I frowned; there was that damn word again _look_. I didn't know what exactly I was looking for but according to Phoebe looking for it seemed to be pretty important. I decided right there and then that I would start looking for it in earnest.

I got up suddenly determined. I took a few steps and looked into the kitchen and there was Phoebe and that tall James kissing. His hands were on her lower back and hers were around his neck. That tall James had to bend far down to reach her but he didn't seem to mind and Phoebe had to a hell of a backbend to reach his lips but she didn't seem to mind the inconvenience either.

The scene didn't bother me as much as it should have, maybe because it looked so different than that crumby Rick and Jane in that godam diner. That tall James and my sister were in love and that crumby Rick didn't love Jane, not really. He didn't even love his son, the bastard!

I cleared my throat and the two jumped apart blushing, "Oh! Um sorry man," that tall James said nervously.

I ignored him, I turned to Phoebe, "do you know where old Jane lives, and I thought maybe I would pay her a visit, you know it case it look and see it, whatever it is."

She grinned, "Her house is number Thirteen on Broken road in Cambridge."

I nodded and grinned back.

"Hey take my car," that tall James offered, smiling nervously.

"Really?" I asked. He answered he just threw me his keys.

Phoebe came over and hugged me, "Go get her," she whispered in my ear.

I grinned, "Thanks, " I said grabbed my coat and left just like that.

I had a hell of a time getting that car going and driving properly, it had been a long while since I had actually driven a car. The drive seemed to take forever and I began to think far too much. I thought until I was nauseous again and my hands were shaking badly and I really wanted a drink. I kept going though I'm not sure why or how, I can't that part to good. Some things I can't remember to good.

I finally was outside her house just sitting in James' car and I was looking but I couldn't find it. So I got out and went up to the door. I heard sounds on the other side, scary sounds. I heard a kid yelling, but it was strange yelling, weird screams that I had never come out of someone's mouth before. There were the shouts of a booming man and the scream of a women and a thud, followed by crying and more shouting.

I took a breath, I breathed out all my yellowness, clenched my fists and banged on the door.

It took awhile for the door to be throw open. That crumby Rick was standing there he looked even redder than before, which was hard to imagine. "What the fuck do you want?" he said gruffly.

I thought for a moment before deciding, "Jane." Jane was what I wanted. I know I was being crazy; I really can be a madman sometimes.

He looked confused; it must have taking his tiny primal brain a long time to realize that I just basically challenged him. When he did understand though he was thoroughly pissed, "what did you just say?" his eyes were narrowed, his tone dangerous.

I knew I was in a tumble of trouble but I just went with it. "Jane," I said again calmly.

"I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" he yelled his voice boomed with power but I didn't even flinch.

"Well then why did you ask then?" I asked though I knew he wouldn't answer. I was right, but before he got a chance to say another brilliant sentence, Jane appeared at the door.

She took one look at me and smiled. She soon stopped when she took in the rest of the situation. "Holden what are you going here?" she asked, she sounded in awe that I had the nerve to show up, actually if you want to know the truth of it, I was surprised too.

"I'm looking," I said, cryptically. I didn't a chance to explain because that Rick decided to bud his red head in.

"He wants you," he tilted his head back in a roaring laugh like made Jane cringing or maybe it was the thought of me wanting her. "That little boy says he wants you," he was still laughing when he turned to me. "You think you are just going to come here and take her? Is that what you thought little boy?" he tone was nasty and his breath smelled of liquor.

And then I did something that I will probably never believe I did, I punched him nice and hard and broke his nose. He then proceeded to pound me. I was so bloody I probably look like I had jumped straight out of one of those horror flicks. I hardly remember most of it. I think I blacked out because all I really remember was waking up hours later on a dark couch in Jane's living room.

Sitting up I took in my surroundings, the tall narrow windows showed the sky to be pretty dark, the room was pretty bare, and with a nominal of furniture. On the small old coffee table next to me was a bowl of steaming soup. I sensed movement close to me, I looked up to see Tommy watching me closely, fiddling with his red fancy sports car.

I smiled at him and he motioned to the soup. I nodded and picked up the shiny spoon that was carefully placed by the bowl on the napkin.

"Any good?" I started when I heard Jane's voice my eyes snapped up; Jane was standing there in all her glory and small playful smile playing on her lips.

I nodded and she came and sat close to her. My hands were shaking so badly that I had to put down the spoon because I would have spilled the soup.

"How do you feel?" Jane asked, putting her hand gently on my thigh.

"I'm fine," I managed to get out.

"You were pretty brave, you know? Pretty stupid but brave," that's the thing with Jane she'll always tell the truth of things. "Thank you," she said softy and leaned over and kissed my cheek and put her head on my shoulder.

My stomach was filled with humming butterflies; it had been a long time since a girl, especially a girl like Jane, had really touched me. I had forgotten how nice she felt.

"You're welcome," I whispered because that's all I could seem to manage. "Um Jane?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" she murmured.

"Where's Rick?" I asked trying not to sound nervous.

"Gone, I kicked him out, I had enough," she said. She sounded so tried, jaded and sad it made me want to cry.

"You broke his nose you know?" she continued conversationally.

"I did?" I don't remember hearing a crack.

"Yes you did," she giggled sounded like the girl I knew at fifteen.

She turned to check on Tommy, he was still eyeing me seriously. He seemed to decide that I was safe because he ran forward and jumped into Jane's lap. She grinned and kissed his cheek and pushed back his hair like I had seen her do at the diner.

I looked at her and she looked up at me and I knew something, I knew I had seen it. I had looked hard enough, I hard found my chance and I had seen it.

That was a year ago, I only saw Rick once after that and that was at court when Jane divorced that crumby Rick. He said nothing to me and I said nothing to him and that was that.

I am learning sign language but I'm not too good but Jane says to be patient and it will come. I wanted to take classes but there are no schools around us since we now live on a farm in New York. It may not be New York City but it is just perfect for me, though I don't see old Phoebe much since she's still in Boston, I often phone her just to chow the rag for a while so its all right. Jane is lovely and Tommy loves the pigs, and I am happy, which is something I have never truly felt before, if you haven't I highly suggest it.

**Hello! **

**Horrible? Genius? Do I sound like Holden? Tell me what you think.**

**You can to guess what grade I got but I also want you to give the grade you would give it. One more thing, did you like the book The Catcher and the Rye?**

**Hope you are well!**

**-pm**

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